Clean and fun Jokes!

Being a dad can be challenging at times; however nothing can be more rewarding than telling a joke to your children’s faces lite up with smiles and laughter. If you are unsure of what dad jokes are, click on the picture below for a definition:

Here is a list of dad jokes:

Anytime Dad Jokes:

  • Q: What did one wall say to the other wall? A: I will meet you at the corner.
  • Q: What did the rug say to the floor? A: Don’t move I’ve got you covered.
  • Q: How do you make seven an even number? A: Take the “S” off.
  • Q: Why was six afraid of seven? A: Because seven eight nine.
  • Q: What shoes do ninjas wear? A: Sneakers.
  • Q: Where does an animal go, who lost their tail? A: The re-tail store.
  • Q: What did one ear say to the other ear? A: Nothing, but they are great listeners.
  • Q: What are the names of two guys hanging in front of a window? A: “Curt-in-Rod”
  • Q: Why did the factory worker get fired from the banana factory? He threw out all the bent ones?
  • Q: What do you call a ship at the bottom of the ocean that shakes? A: A nervous, “wreck!”
  • Q: What do you call fake noodles? A: An “impasta!”
  • Q: How do mountains see? A: They peak!
  • Q: What did one volcano say to the other volcano? A: I lava-you!

Dad Joke Observations:

  • I just found out that Orion’s belt is a “waist” of space!
  • Did you hear that Fedex and UPS have decided to merge? The new company is called Fed-Up!
  • There was a news report last night that said the Titanic’s swimming pool was still full of water!
  • My daughter squished a spider today. I asked her if it bit her. She said, “No, it was bugging me!”
  • You are so corny, you have me smiling from ear to ear!
  • I do not trust stairs. You have to keep your eye on them because, they are always up to something.
  • I just went to a concert that only cost .45 cents. It opened with 50 Cent featuring Nickleback.
  • Friday night: The weekend called and said it will be here in a few hours.

Anytime Dad Joke Questions:

  • Q: Why are apartments so close together?
  • Q: Why are there brail drive-up ATMs?
  • Q: Why do you drive in a parkway, and park in a driveway?
  • Q: Why do you pay tolls on a freeway?
  • Q: I’ve heard of eye teeth, but are there ear teeth?
  • Q: Since we are the third planet from the sun, does that make all of our countries, third world countries?

Star Wars Dad Jokes:

  • Q: Where did Luke Skywalker go to get a new hand? A: The second hand store.
  • Q: Do you know what Darth Vader called his daughter? A: Elle (Vader).
  • Q: Why is Yoda great at gardening? A: He has a green thumb.
  • Q: What is the stormtroopers favorite store? A: It is right next to the Target.
  • Han Solo went to a restaurant and ordered a steak. He did not like it because it was very Chewy.
  • Never go out to eat dinner with Yoda. He never picks up the tab, because he’s always a little short.
  • Why did the Mandalorian win the race? It was because he had the Best-Car!

Spring Jokes:

  • Q: April brings showers, but what does the May flowers bring? A: Pilgrims.
  • Q: Where do fish keep their money?A: River-banks.
  • Q: What do you call a fist with no eyes? A: A FSH!

Chicken Jokes:

  • Q: Why are chickens so funny? A: “B-CAAAAUSE!”
  • Q: Why don’t chickens tell jokes to their eggs? A: Because they will crack them up!
  • Q: What day do chickens hate the most? A: Fry-day!

Summer Jokes:

  • I do not like the looks of that tree, it looks a little shady.
  • Q: I know that April brings showers. What does May bring? A: Pilgrims!
  • Q: What did the ocean say to the beach? A: Nothing, it just waved.

Autumn Jokes:

  • Q: What did the scarecrow say to his new boss? A: I plan to be the best in my field.

Winter Jokes:

  • Q: What do you get when you cross Frosty, the snowman and a vampire? A: Frostbite.
  • Q: What do snowman call their kids? A: Chill-dren

Halloween Jokes:

  • Q: What do you call a witch on a beach? A: A sand which.
  • Q: What do you call an observant wolf? A-were wolf.
  • Q: What do you call a chicken that haunts a farm? A: A Poultry-Geist!
  • A standup comic was telling jokes in a graveyard. No one laughed because it was a, “stiff” crowd.
  • I’ve heard of the candies, “Smarties.” Did they ever make a candy called, “Dummies?”

Thanksgiving Jokes:

  • Q: Why did the Thanksgiving Turkey cross the table? A: To get to the other sides.
  • Q: What did the turkey say to the computer? A: Google, Google, Google.

Christmas Jokes:

  • Q: How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? A: Nothing, it was on the house.
  • Q: What do dads say before they tell you a Christmas joke? A: This one is gonna sleigh you.
  • Q: What do you call a broke Santa? A: Saint Nickel-less.
  • Q: Where did Santa get his suit? A: From inside the chimney.
  • Q: How do you help a person who has lost the Christmas Spirit? A: Get them an Elf-help book.

Longer Jokes:

Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Child: I don’t know, why?
Dad: I don’t know why either, I grilled that chicken for 45 minutes and he still didn’t tell me.

Dad tomato – “Where is junior?”
Mom tomato – “Way back there.”
Dad tomato walks back to kid tomato and while stepping on him says, “Catsup!”

I will post new jokes every week.

By : tford Tags: